You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
