Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
