did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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