My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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