brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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