My underwear smells like fireworks.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
