how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
