Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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