so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
