You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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