Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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