vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want a musical about memes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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