After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
