Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
