Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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