I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No more Irish car bombs ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
