dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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