There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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