i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
