I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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