Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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