Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
