You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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