She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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