he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
