Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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