Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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