I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone came in the potted fern
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
