We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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