Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
