he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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