He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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