look no pants
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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