Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
