so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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