we have pet lesbian snakes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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