I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she smelled like a LAN party
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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