These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
