Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
