I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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