I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
