So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
