we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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