I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
