Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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