My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My life is pants optional.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
