I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
