So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
