Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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