Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
whose ass print is on the piano?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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