i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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