the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
