dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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