dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
