the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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