Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize