What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
