the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
