onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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