Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
